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Relationships and sex

I have spent most of my adult life in a wheelchair and before hooking up with my partner had no shared sexual experiences. Our relationship has changed since his medical condition worsened and we no longer share the same bed or any physical contact.

Earlier this summer I met someone who is also a wheelchair user who is also in a long term relationship and we talked about relationships. Since then we meet up often and at first we cuddled and hugged each other before meeting in secret where we kissed passionately. I have talked with my partner about this and he says enjoy myself but please don’t end our relationship.

I was surprised when I told this to my new friend who told me that he too has talked with his wife who said almost the same thing. Our relationship has not yet gone beyond kissing but with us both in wheelchairs we get some funny looks if we so much as hold hands. We have even been asked to leave a pub because we were kissing and one of the regulars complained. Where can we go in or near Swansea in the winter?



  • Go for it Doll! Wish you were in my life :)

  • Doll your openness is comendable and if only more people were like you. Having been denied physical contact of a loving kind most of my life I can only dream of such a situation and thank you for sewing the seed for memorable thoughts and dreams.

  • So glad of this discussion. Growing up watching my friends having relationships I always felt isolated from relationships until I was 26 and met a fellow wheelchair user of similar age who felt the same. Our friendship grew and although a conventional physical relationship was not possible we shared intimate feelings and openly discussed our frustrations and needs and enjoyed many crazy moments.

    Our relationship continued for over 5 years until his health deteriorated and he passed away. Since then there has been no one in my life but I am so glad of being able to have had this experience. I have met so many fellow disabled people frustrated by this aspect of their life. More openness is needed.

  • Tried online dating but no serios interest but plenty of pervs. Relationship means different things to different people. Love and care means more than sex to me.
  • Yeah too many pervs about searching for victim chicks in wheelchairs. Met loads and reported one to the police who did not believe me. I felt real small and useless but if I ever see that perv again I will bite his smelly penis off if he waves it in front of my face again.

  • I lost my wife 14 years ago and never thought that I would have another relationship until 4 years ago at Christmas I met a very old school friend who had lost her husband the year before. Both our lives have changed and although I am disabled we enjoy regular sex which became non existent with my late wife after my accident 22 years ago.

  • edited November 2017

    Have been talking about this with my friend who has also had bad times with guys who only want sex and brag about wheelchair conquests with their mates. There are some bad people on the internet dating sites.

  • Private time is important for relationships to grow and last summer one of my carers took me to to see a film with a new disabled lady who she also cared for. It was a match made in heaven and we are now taken to see films every week where we kiss each other. Next year we will go on holiday together. I am 25 and this my first relationship and it is nice. We may try sex on holiday.

    Told by Joe and writted by a friend.

  • my dream is meeting a guy who I can trust and love, even for just 1 night. Met some on line guys who just want to talk dirty

  • Plenty of sympathy from girls I like when asked for a date but 'no cigar' so to speak. I don't feel comfortable in pubs and clubs or want to use online dating. Relationships difficult.
  • At university all my relationships were casual probably as students we were all keen to explore our boundaries. At least I was anyway and my disability never stood in my way but now that I am older and have moved back to my parents relationships and sex are difficult as getting out to meet people is not easy. I live in an online world and have many friends so my relationships are virtual.

  • the only relationship I ever had lasted 2 days then she sobered up and went.

  • Joined a group of disabled unconventional movers and shakers a few years ago where I met my girlfriend. The group which no longer exists was set up by a gay disabled activist but welcomed all sexual orientations. We used to meet like minded people in Cardiff, Wrexham, London and once in France and often non disabled people joined us. I have been together with my girlfriend for 4 years. We both have CP and are looking into adopting a child. Anything is possible with an open mind and heart but most importantly, in our case, open minded carers and support.

  • Me and my boyfriend split up in the summer and since then I have met a guy who will not sleep with me but only wants me to perform oral sex on him. I like him and it was one of his friends who told me that he is afraid of hurting me if we slept together. I do not want to loose him and have invited him to spend Christmas Eve with me.

  • That sounds so perfect Alina. I spiced up my relationship with my long term boyfriend last summer by taking a camping holiday with no phones or other distractions. Our sex life reached new heights and we now plan to get married next year. We both have hearing impairments and it was our first break together for many years. Sex is an important part of most relationships.

  • A perfect couple of days cwtch'd-up bliss with Robert who now understands me and my capabilities. I now feel so alive and ready for the challenge of the future. Sex comes naturally in relationships when both parties explain their capabilities and desires.

  • SoxSox
    edited December 2017

    Conventional sex is not always possible for many of us as are conventional relationships but hey-ho life goes on. That does not stop me from dreaming though when I see guys I fancy.

  • I have started something here. Sex always gets us going. I broke up with my new fella over Christmas and we never had any sex except the odd grope. With two wheelchairs I must must have been kidding myself. Back to watching crap on TV and recharging the batteries :(

    I have learned once again not to trust a man because I called his house on Christmas Eve and his wife answered so I introduced myself as his new friend and she did not know what I was talking about. Broke up with the liar that afternoon.

  • Relationships........
    Something people do not understand. I am in my own world but my heart is open. Real life gets in my way sometimes but my dreams satisfy me. I love my chair which is more faithful than any man.

  • An an understanding partner is the best way.

  • Although my partner is very understanding and really loves and cares for me, as I do for her, sexual contact has never happened due to my disabilities. I have dreams and fantasies which for me is fine as our relationship is not like that. We have talked about this and understand each other. My partner is older than me and we have lived together for over 8 years.

  • Known this lady for some time and really want to get close with her but feel that she feels sorry for me. I am scared to make the first move and embarrass myself or worst be accused of sexual abuse. I do not want complications or for her to have my babies but I need love and to feel loved and have a relationship with share feelings. I may be barking up the wrong tree and she is probably just doing her job.

    Crunch time will be next month because I will give her a letter expressing my feelings.

  • At collage I have a great social life and have had a couple of boyfriends but because I cannot join in with their lives outside of collage they have both become good friends but nothing more. One of the girls talked to me about this and we are now very close. She understands my needs so I want to move in with her but my parents are giving me a hard time and my brother wont talk to me anymore because I told them. Coming out should be a celebration not isolation from those you love.

  • Private virual relatioships are so fab as my disabilities dont exist unless I want them to. My sexual relationships are seperate from my personal network and keep me focused on reality.

  • No complications or embarrassment or impossibilities just pure pleasure. I feel great!

  • I want to have sex relatinships but no one want to have me Sex is good I think but not for touching feel good but run away okd alone in place here

  • Sex is a most liberating release opening windows of freedom and well being that otherwise do not exist in my life. My relationships materialise without complications as I satisfy myself in my own time on my own terms my way. Only I know what I need and am feeling and my dreams take me there and I feel proud of my caperbilities.

  • Solo for me too from now on babe as that way my disability does not exist or embarrass or need to be excused or explained or make me feel inadequate. Sox I am with you all the way and feel proud of you. You summed it up perfectly.

  • The only girlfriend I have ever had left me 2 years ago after a 15 year relationship. I have ME and do not sleep well and conventional sex is no longer possible but I miss sharing my life with a loving partner. I need a relationship in which sex is not important.

  • Good luck mate!

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